I can’t SUP. Although this is a picture of me looking quite relaxed standing on a SUP. I was also one of the first people in the country to get the new sheltered water SUP award, so I have a certificate to say that actually, I can SUP. I just find it hard to acknowledge those skills for some reason.
On a similar theme, today I told two people I had never met before that I have just started a business as a paddlesport coach. I was honestly surprised that neither of them seemed shocked that I could possibly be doing something like that. In fact they were both quite envious that I had been brave enough to ditch the proper job, and follow a dream.
Both of these experiences show my brain’s defence mechanism. If you doubt your ability to the point you don’t even try something, you’re never going to fail. You might live a sad, dull life full of regrets and wistful thinking, but it will never be your fault that you didn’t follow your dreams, because it’s not your fault you don’t have those skills, is it? I know I’m not the only one who has these illogical (usually completely sub-conscious) thought processes. They will all be subtly different, and they will all have different origins, but pretty much everyone has their own barriers.
I met a properly inspirational adventurer last summer at a ‘Love her Wild’ weekend. We ended up working together in a goal setting workshop. Luckily for me, she was completely on top of her goals, so we focussed on mine. I have been thinking of being a professional coach for a while now, but always had a list of reasons why it wasn’t going to work, so I never had to try, so I never needed to fail. She really helped me to see that a lot of my barriers weren’t really anywhere other than in my head. How can I say, ‘I’m not good enough’ when I have been coaching as a volunteer for 5 years, and people who know me are actually paying me to coach for them? How can I say I don’t have the right personality, when my coaching alter-ego manages just fine? What I learnt was, how will I ever know if I can do it, if I don’t try? And, mostly importantly how will I live with the regret of coming this far and not seeing it through. Learning to see through those safety mechanisms has really changed my attitude. That doesn’t mean I’m not sometimes hugely doubtful about whether I can pull this off, because sometimes I am. But it also means that if I fail it will be despite trying my hardest, rather than because I didn’t try at all.
PS Obviously there are plenty of real barriers too. (I’m never going to be a white water coach, (unless I decided that’s what I really wanted to do!), but I’m happy with that. Just try to work out if it’s a real barrier, or if it’s a defence-mechanism barrier.
Where is Ann? 